Are we Co-Dependent On Others?

Co-dependency is described as a state of mental, physical, or spiritual reliance on others. We, as fellow humans, are taught the importance of dependence on each other. But somehow, amongst all that dependence we fail to differentiate when we need to detach and become independent.

The most common and over-used example of co-dependence is between a couple. When you are in a relationship, marking out boundaries and sticking to them can become difficult. This results in forming a very thin layer of co-dependence on each other which later glorifies to become a wall. The emergence of this wall is only seen when we start to drift apart. And then, breaking out of this wall can get extremely difficult.

This can be regarded as an art where the two colours merge to become one and it then gets practically impossible to differentiate that colour.

But is it possible to have co-dependence on many people? This question struck me last night when I was thinking about how co-dependent I am on others for my happiness. Having someone to talk to at the end of the day is different, but being stuck with the thought to have that person always is not. This is where I realized, that the “Toxicity” has flown up my veins.

This picture defines what co-dependence looks like for me. 

You share a branch of your life with everyone with hopes to get something in return. But do we get all those shared branches? Or do we just end up losing a part of our own tree? 

Reasons for Co-Dependence

There are multiple reasons which constituted me being like this. The sudden emergence of offline classes constituted me meeting a lot of people every day. This included being validated by them for being funny, attentive, or jolly. And these compliments soon became too habitual for me that not getting any of these was enough to make me sad.

The second and the most important attribute of this is FOMO. You meet couples and people with interesting life stories. Then to make yourself “Active”, you start sharing your life. This also means exaggerating parts of it to fit with others. Yes, this is also “Toxic”.

This then results in you making new friends and meeting new people. And again, a circulatory habit of this results in you being dependent on those new people. This is how co-dependence kills you within.

Am I Co-Dependent?

The thought of co-dependency was killing me from within until I realized how important it is for me to get validated. The reason as to why I am getting these thoughts gave me a solution itself.

Yes, we are co-dependent on each other, but to some extent, we don’t have control over it. You might be co-dependent on your mother for food or your friend for assignments. But legalizing this co-dependence and taking it on a large scale with people you have just met, is wrong.

To make the amends, start by figuring out “Why” this is happening. And trust me the process, will ultimately lead you to a solution.

And for the bright part, I am co-dependent on skies and sunsets for making me happy :)

Write to me about your story at @poorvik35@gmail.com

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