Co-dependency is described as a state of mental, physical, or
spiritual reliance on others. We, as fellow humans, are taught the importance of
dependence on each other. But somehow, amongst all that dependence we fail to
differentiate when we need to detach and become independent.
The most common and over-used example of co-dependence is between
a couple. When you are in a relationship, marking out boundaries and sticking
to them can become difficult. This results in forming a very thin layer of co-dependence
on each other which later glorifies to become a wall. The emergence of this
wall is only seen when we start to drift apart. And then, breaking out of this
wall can get extremely difficult.
This can be regarded as an art where the two colours merge to
become one and it then gets practically impossible to differentiate that colour.
But is it possible to have co-dependence on many people?
This question struck me last night when I was thinking about how co-dependent I
am on others for my happiness. Having someone to talk to at the end of the day
is different, but being stuck with the thought to have that person always is
not. This is where I realized, that the “Toxicity” has flown up my veins.
Reasons for Co-Dependence
There are multiple reasons which constituted me being like this.
The sudden emergence of offline classes constituted me meeting a lot of people every
day. This included being validated by them for being funny, attentive, or jolly.
And these compliments soon became too habitual for me that not getting any of
these was enough to make me sad.
The second and the most important attribute of this is FOMO.
You meet couples and people with interesting life stories. Then to make
yourself “Active”, you start sharing your life. This also means exaggerating
parts of it to fit with others. Yes, this is also “Toxic”.
This then results in you making new friends and meeting new people.
And again, a circulatory habit of this results in you being dependent on those
new people. This is how co-dependence kills you within.
Am I Co-Dependent?
The thought of co-dependency was killing me from within
until I realized how important it is for me to get validated. The reason as to
why I am getting these thoughts gave me a solution itself.
Yes, we are co-dependent on each other, but to some extent,
we don’t have control over it. You might be co-dependent on your mother for food
or your friend for assignments. But legalizing this co-dependence and taking it
on a large scale with people you have just met, is wrong.
To make the amends, start by figuring out “Why” this is
happening. And trust me the process, will ultimately lead you to a solution.
And for the bright part, I am co-dependent on skies and
sunsets for making me happy :)
Write to me about your story at @poorvik35@gmail.com
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